Its been a crazy couple of weeks for me!! The people who I consider family here in Georgia are struggling with Life threatening illness, Rehabilitation from a major stroke at the young age of 47, infidelity after 15+ years of marriage, biopsy's, etc. In this time...my car decided to stop working properly (due to computer malfunctions) and it took almost 10 days(and about 1000$) to get it back in my possession in working condition. Through this emotionally exhausting time...I have had my own struggles with which to deal with and tons of tests to which I need to study. Lets just say...I am hitting the end of my rope...and the long awaited fall break is something I can not wait to experience.
In light of the craziness of my third semester of graduate school...I have come to realize one thing....one truly important thing. That " I am not...at all ...in control...of my life." Much of what has happened around me to friends and family...has come to people that are so undeserving of such trials and tribulations. The explanations of the "what"(which would be the WHY) are unaccounted for and ultimately only understood my God. I believe I have finally given over all the external stuff to MY GOD. Which is a great...and scary move for me to make. I always want to fix everything.
In my process of looking inward I have found many internal struggles that I have yet to deal with on a personal level. Its scares me to think that I have gone almost 30 years and truly can not explain to the depths of my heart who I am and who i am called to be. While I must say that its not the identity crisis one has as an adolescent, it is scrapping at the core of not only my emotions, but my spirituality, my physicality, and my intellectual well being.
I don't want to scare...or over analyze myself on paper. I do want those who read this to know that I feel a great awakening is about to start its rise to the surface. It will not happen over night....but its process will take time.
Goodness I have just said a mouth full without saying much at all. I am sorry or the ambiguity, but I am not sure I could articulate or verbalize all thats in my head and make it coherent enough for you all to ponder. But what I will say is...Please pray...Pray for honesty of heart and mind....for openness of grace, hope, peace. I need to remember that All that is good and gracious
Hopefully the next time I write...I will have more to write about...if not maybe I will just update you on my Car ;).
in my life is at my center which is Godly.
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